In my former life as a struggling student I worked various retail jobs, all of which had the annoying tendency to involve retail managers.

In one particular job, my manager had the ability to put coworkers offside faster than anyone else I have met before. To us simple retail underlings he became known as ‘The Chameleon’, capable of shifting his personality and allegiances to suit the audience (and his personal needs).

While this worked well for The Chameleon personally (kept in him the good books of the higher-ups), it worked less well for the company. A high level of self-absorption coupled with his desire to manipulate those around him had a destructive impact on team morale and productivity. It pushed us further away from the company and its goals and instead toward a ‘punch in and punch out’ mentality. 

Even at the time I understood why my employers had hired him, he sure could talk the talk. I could envisage him saying all the right things at just the right times to upper management. But I could also see the negative effect he had on the team dynamic.

He lied with ease, lacked empathy, considered his talents and abilities far superior than they were, and caused much grief to those he managed. I've since learned he fit the criteria for narcissism.

Why should we discuss narcissism in a return to work publication?

As someone involved with return to work, it’s not your job to diagnose people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But by understanding narcissistic traits, and the impact they can have on employees and the workplace, you might be able to limit the impact they have on return to work in your environment.

HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST

Not only is the narcissist a master of self-deception, but they are skilled in projecting whatever they feel a certain audience requires. While this makes it difficult to identify narcissism in action, there are a number of signs to look for.

Identification is the first step to effectively dealing with a narcissist, traits include:

• Lack of empathy or ability to see other’s point of view;
• Tendency to interrupt conversations when then the topic of discussion is about someone else;
• Constant use of “I”, “me” and “my”;
• Critical and condescending behaviour towards others, but incapable of accepting criticism or disagreement; and
• A volatile personality that can manifest in anxiety or even rage-like reactions.

HOW TO DEAL WITH A NARCISSTIC TEAM MEMBER

The very nature of a narcissist makes them difficult to manage. Though some people are able to take criticism constructively and maturely, this is almost impossible for the narcissist.

Any direct claim that their behaviour is impacting negatively on those around them, and the performance of the business as a whole, will be viewed as a threat to them. It will often be met with outright denial, and an internal process of rationalisation and reframing to maintain their own self-image.

So what do you do as a RTW professional, and how do you counsel others to approach someone with narcissistic traits? The crucial first step is to recognise that the narcissist plays by a different set of rules - and that you will have to beat them at their own game.

Tips for dealing with narcissists

1. Don’t give orders, give options. Rather than dictate solutions, provide a number of alternatives (deemed acceptable by you) and allow him or her to choose. Providing them this sense of control will not only allow discussions to proceed more smoothly, but it will increase the likelihood that they will later adhere to what you have agreed upon;  
2. Convince them of their personal interest in something you want. Attempt to align your goals with their self-interest. For example, if you think that a narcissist needs to approach something or someone differently, frame it as a problem that you need their help in fixing;    
3. Hold them accountable. Narcissists are master manipulators, adept at spinning lies. If you become aware of any contradictions, subtly make them aware to show that you won’t be deceived;  
4. Involve management. This can be difficult, as management may hear only positive communication about how well things are going. Having written documentation about what happened, including the specifics of dates and who was involved, can help provide a clear picture about what is happening. Present the information to a trusted manager, or HR (the more senior the manager, the better);  
5. Make a conscious effort to be courteous and constructive. Narcissists feed on conflict. By minimising the opportunity for them to attack, you increase the chances of a productive discussion;  
6. Consider bringing in a psychological ‘coach’ to meet with management and the problem employee. This can also be difficult, but try to  frame the meeting along the lines of “we need to understand how we can best take advantage of your unique personality and creativity.”  
7. Encourage the person to seek assistance. This can be anything, from an employee assistance program, a counsellor, their doctor, or a trusted co-worker. People often feel disempowered and need support.

 CONCLUSION

Though the Chameleon eventually embraced the colour of his pink slip, in most cases the workplace narcissist has a habit of sticking around. Under these circumstances, we have to make the best of a frustrating situation by identifying the game being played and playing it smart ourselves.