An old proverb tells us that misery loves company, but fails to tell us how the company feels about the situation. Those who’ve had to deal with a chronic complainer know the affection is not reciprocated.

Meeting a complainer at a party or at the shops is an annoyance. At work the problem is going to be ongoing, and tougher to cope with. Over time the ongoing complaints build frustration and tension in the team. Solutions don’t hit the mark; in fact solutions to the problems seem pretty irrelevant.

It’s tough for co-workers, and unproductive for the business as a whole.

Chronic complaining results in negativity, and that negativity can be contagious. Morale goes down, and with it goes productivity.  

What can be done? There is no one way to approach a complainer. A nuanced approach is required; one that considers not only the nature and merit the complaint, but provides the complainer with the tools to more productively deal with their issues.

The following tips will be of assistance to those seeking respite from the office doomsayer, and those looking to improve the productivity of complainers and those working around them.  

IDENTIFY THE COMPLAINER - WHAT THEY DO

• Find a way to put a negative spin on every situation;
• Create conflict by talking about people behind their back; and
• Create a negative working environment where colleagues start to avoid them, or follow suit and also complain.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO

Give complaints of a serious nature a serious look

Most people’s common sense radar will help them discern whether a complainer is simply having a whine or has a genuine cause for complaint. But this is not always the case. 

It is important for senior staff to take complaints of sexual or racial harassment, theft, threats to safety or inter-office conflicts (e.g.  bullying) seriously.

It may simply be a matter of listening to the issues and hearing the person out. But if there is concern, it should be taken seriously. The complainer is more likely NOT to be taken seriously, the boy who cried wolf... And those who are negative by nature will be more likely to be unhappy / lodge further complaints if not heard. 

Where cause for complaint is genuine, empathise

Some complain out of sheer pessimism, others have a genuine reason.

Your reaction can reduce their need to complain, and might provide a boost to someone going through a genuinely tough time.

Where a complainer has a genuine cause for complaint, there is nothing wrong with letting them know you hear what they are going through, and empathise with their situation (e.g. “That must be tough for you.”)

This can be distinguished from apologising for their situation. You are not entering into their complaint, nor are you making a value judgement about the content of their concern, you are simply expressing that you are understand how they are feeling.

Hear them out, but don’t take sides

If you hope to have to complainer act more constructively, you have to be balanced in the way you communicate.

It might be tempting to simply go with the flow or remain silent in the complainer just goes away. This is simply an invitation for them to continue acting the same way.

On the other hand, you might find the constant whinging aggravating and feel the urge to argue with the complainer, even if it means defending position you don’t agree with. AVOID doing this.

This allows the complainer to get you down, and that is a pattern of interaction important to steer clear of. Complainers are used to negative reactions – they often don’t understand the dynamics of their interaction with others. But the pattern of your response will be familiar to them.  You are not helping them or yourself by being sucked into their negativity.

There’s a difference between whining and having a genuine issue that needs to be tackled. If the complainer is a serial offender about the same issue, you might wish to respond with a smile and let them you know you are busy at the moment. If it’s appropriate to listen, ask them to clearly state their concerns to you, along with what they see as potential solutions. 

Encourage them to change their perspective from problem, to solution

Your number one goal is to help the complainer shift their perspective from a focus on their (real or perceived) problems, to their solution.

Complainers tend to quickly lose perspective on the situation, concede helplessness, and then overstate the severity of the situation at hand. Your job is to break down the issue in a structured fashion, and shift discussion toward the specifics of what the complainer can do to improve it.

Tips include:

• Allowing them to let off steam and using active listening techniques to demonstrate that you have heard and understand their complaint (ie “okay”, “go on”, “so you’re worried that...”);
• Acknowledge facts;
• Encourage optimism by pulling the complainer up on words like ‘always’ and ‘never’;
• Shift focus away from the complaint itself and toward the impact the issue is having on them specifically; and
• Encourage them not to focus on the past or the future, however difficult, and to dedicate their energies to what they can do to make the situation better now (ie “what can you do about it now?”).

How you encourage them to deal with the problem depends on the extent and length of the problem.  Options include:

1. Setting up a specific meeting to discuss their concerns;
2. Scheduling a regular meeting, such as ten minutes once a week, where they are asked for their input;
3. Asking them to write down their concerns;
4. Asking them to document potential solutions to problems;
5. Getting them actively involved in group work to identify solutions;
6. Sending them for problem solving training; and
7. For a severe problem, it may be worth involving an organisational psychologist.

GAMEplan

Goal = establish enough of a rapport with the complainer to be able to shift discussions from complaining to problem-solving.

Action = calm, dispassionate communication that doesn’t agree, disagree or apologise, but demonstrates understanding.

Mindset = at best, get the complainer to change their perspective on the situation from complaint to problem-solving. At worst, communicating in such a way (neither agreeing nor disagreeing) that will minimise the amount of complaining that takes place in the future.

Effect = complainer will feel less need/be less inclined to complain chronically, and be more likely to think about how to fix a situation. 

THE BOTTOM LINE

Baseless ongoing complaining is tiresome and destructive. It frustrates co-workers, drains office morale and productivity, and does little to help the complainer.

Going with the flow and internalising the frustration can work in the short-term, it’s also a sure fire way to make sure the problem persists.

Take the time to communicate with the complainer in a way that reduces their complaints. The complainer and the office will be better for it.