Although they are an unfortunate fact of everyday life, not all difficult people are created equal. While the obnoxious supermarket line-cutter can provide a humorous dinner table anecdote, the obnoxious co-worker can make your five day working week seem like a prison term.

Now, although I hate to be the bearer of bad news, here it is, even though the problem is with your colleague, you are the one that has to improve the situation. Put simply you have two options. You can do nothing, internalise the frustration and hope that the situation improves on its own (unlikely), or you can choose to do something about it and improve your life both inside and outside the office.

There is no magic formula when it comes to dealing with a difficult co-worker, each situation will present a different challenge depending on variables such as his or her seniority, role and general standing within the organisation (as well as your own).

Dealing with a difficult colleague requires a well-developed game plan along with the discipline and communication skills to execute it when tensions run high.

TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH A DIFFICULT CO-WORKER

MENTAL PREPARATION

Breathe

Staying calm is the important first step. Although it sounds an easy thing to do, in the heat of the moment it is easy to get carried away. A conscious effort to mentally relax is sometimes helpful.

Keeping your cool not only projects an air of self-confidence (as well as the ineffectiveness of whatever tactic the difficult co-worker is employing), but it helps you maintain a clear mind and the perspective needed to make a thoughtful, considered response.

Put it in context

As frustrating as a person might be to deal with, try to minimize the effect they have on your mood. A situation might be completely unacceptable to you, but what’s done is done, and you’re already planning to move forward.

Think about all the good things in your life be it a steady job, food on the table, a roof over your head or the people you care about. Often our frustration is warranted, but when we place it in context of other problems being experienced by other people around the world, it might be that it no longer seems as important as we first thought.

Ask yourself why they act this way

This doesn’t require you to go all Dr. Phill on your colleagues. Simply look for trends of bad behaviour in an attempt to figure out when he or she is at their worst.

While some people have no particular motivation for being difficult, if you can identify the root cause of thebad behaviour, you may be able to do something to address their need in some way, or at the very least, be prepared for the next assault.

Work on your communication skills

Effective communication is a skill that has to be learned and trained as any other. No matter what your role, you will benefit from improving the way you interact with others.

Read up on effective communication techniques and put them into practice, even with the difficult co-worker.  Becoming a more effective communicator will not only help you in your dealing with people you can’t stand, but in all aspects of life.

Seek advice, but don’t whine

If you have someone you trust to confide in, draw upon their experiences, observations and try to get an objective take on the situation.

Be careful who you share your thoughts with, even if justified, continual complaining will likely get you offside with other employees and even management who may question your-problem solving skills).

Speak your mind, but only in situations where it likely to be productive.  

Be proactive

Confrontation isn't somethign most of us seek out, so making a commitment to dealing with a difficult co-worker can be a difficult step. Bite the bullet, it’s better that you do something about it now than later.

Not only does intra-office conflict seldom get better when left unaddressed, it tends to get worse. Tension and resentment builds, often impacting on the morale and productivity of those involved and the people who world around/with those them. Figure out what needs to be done and do it.

COMMUNICATION

Be respectful

One of the first things that goes out the window once you lose your cool is control over what you say. ‘Fighting fire with fire’ or something similar might feel good in the heat of the moment, but is unlikely to help the problem at hand, or the relationship moving forward.

‘Killing ‘em with kindness’ might be taking it too far, but for the kind of person who enjoys conflict or confrontation, a demonstration that their actions are having little impact on you will likely see them lose interest.

Keep it about the job

It’s unlikely that you’re catching up with your difficult colleague on the weekend, so how they choose to conduct themselves outside of office hours is no concern of yours. Focus your comments on the job, not only is that the extent of your concern, but it will reduce the chance that the person will feel personally attacked and respond defensively.

IF YOU’RE GETTING NOWHERE

Tactfully approach management

If you know for a fact that your colleagues also feel that the difficult employee is causing problems, agree to take your message to management as a united group. It is important to make this approach in a way that is constructive and cannot be construed as simple ‘ganging up’ on an individual worker

Particularly in larger organisations, management is likely to have no idea about the conduct (and impact) of a difficult worker if no one speaks up. 

Limit contact

Depending on your role and ability to do so, interact with the difficult co-worker only to the extent necessary to get your job done. If there are any discretionary tasks you need to complete or teams to be assembled that may involve that person, steer clear.

If the difficult co-worker is your boss, this is obviously tricky. If you want to keep your job you may consider approaching your boss, but do so in a way that will not put them on the defensive.

Move on or consider your options

In situations where your attempt to forge an amicable personal and working relationship with a colleague has been repeatedly thrown back in your face, accept it. In the end it’s a balancing act, if the difficult person is impacting on your ability to do your job along with your mood at the office and at home, you need to ask yourself, is this job worth it?

CONCLUSION

Most of us have enough on our plate without having to deal with difficult co-workers. While we can’t change them, we can be more intelligent in the way we deal with them. Where the situation continues to be unacceptable and management intervention is unlikely (or impossible) you need to start considering other options.

In the beginning of this article we mentioned that not all difficult people are created equal. And while the above mentioned tips are a useful starting point, different personality types require different approaches. Be on the lookout for a series of individual difficult co-worker character profiles in which we will look at how to game plan for some of the more common problem employees.