We all know that disputes can slow down return to work. You can help resolve many damaging disputes – and you already know how.

Remember when you were a child? A sibling or playmate did some harm to you. What did you do? A parent or teacher most likely gave you exactly what you needed:

• Acknowledgement. You felt better just being heard.
• Comfort and compassion. Your emotions and/or injury can be honoured, even if you were wrong.
• Apology. Most of the time that was enough to allow forgiveness to begin and relationships to heal.
• Your "day in court". A quick, fair decision from a neutral party was sometimes needed.

What you probably didn't ask for was prolonged suffering and damage to relationships. "Compensation" wasn't on your list either, unless a favourite toy was broken and needed to be replaced. Punishment might have been a secondary thought, but it never made you feel better. Quite quickly you forgave the person who harmed you, and went back to play.

Your needs, and the needs of the workers you work with, have not changed all that much as you grew up. Compensation is just a poor replacement for the real human needs of people who have been harmed: acknowledgement, compassion, apology and a sense of fairness. We "can't" be seen to apologise, and we often feel that case loads and professional detachment don't allow us to acknowledge the claimant or offer a compassionate response to his or her concerns. There is a sense that acting like a human being is a sign of weakness, and that claimants are just waiting for the chance to take advantage. Disputes drag on and make recovery slower and more difficult because we have become afraid of the legal consequences of treating others as we would like to be treated.

You can reduce damaging disputes and the resulting unnecessary time off work by helping workers to help themselves. You don't need to play a "parent" role – just talk to the worker the way you remember was helpful to you when you had been hurt on the playground. By talking to the worker as another human being with similar needs to your own, you open up the possibility that he or she can avoid becoming "stuck", waiting for the apology of compassionate response that the worker expects and believes they are due.

The vast majority of workers want to move on and get back to their lives. What they need to allow that to happen is “forgiveness”.  In this instance “forgiveness“ means letting go of the need to continue to think about what has happened to them and to make space in their mind for thoughts about the future instead of the past. People who have been harmed don't need to forget or excuse the person who injured them – they just need to let go and move on with life. Acknowledgement of the worker's condition and an expression of apology that he or she had a bad experience can fulfil basic needs and allow the worker to "move on".

In some cases a professional may assist in the process. A professional mediator can accomplish the same goals by bringing the necessary people together and assisting them to resolve their differences by agreement. The basic human needs get attention along the way, and the whole process proceeds at a fraction of the cost or time involved in litigation.

You learned everything you need to know about resolving disputes on the playground. You didn't need lawyers to help you resolve childhood disputes and forgive unpleasant events. Using that knowledge now can help to keep the small things small, and get people working again.